Maybe he should have been paying more attention to his brother, but at the time Nicolas had too much else on his mind. He’d been so used to dismissing Grant’s evil rants anyway, shedding them like soiled clothing, and when the big party started up again that night he and the girls simply went out to enjoy themselves. By dark they found themselves back at the big tent Karl and Marcus were sharing. Inside was like a great eastern harem, with carpets and embroidered cushions scattered about. There were quite a few people there; the air infused with a sweet spicy odour as they lay about smoking and laughing among themselves.
As he entered with the girls a place was made for him while somebody passed him an oddly shaped cigarette with pinched ends, one end alight, but he turned it away. It was weird. Everybody seemed to off somewhere else, not looking properly at one another but chattering almost to themselves. It was like nothing he’d expected after the excitement of the weekend. The atmosphere made him light-headed and dark shapes began to appear at the edge of his vision, so before long he went out again into the fresh air.
Whatever it was had shifted his consciousness of himself. Emma followed him out and asked what the matter was, but he only gazed at her and shrugged. He looked up, glancing about then back at her, shaking his head. “I might go home,” he said. “I’m not feeling very well.”
Sarah came out behind Emma and the two girls had a brief exchange before turning back to Nicolas standing there waiting, then stepped up and said they’d go with him. It was one of Karl’s mull parties, Sarah explained. They’d still be at it next morning and nobody would get any sleep. Maybe they’d just go and listen to the radio or something, if there was nothing else happening. She was right. He hadn’t noticed before, but the remnant crowd had broken up into small groups each doing their own thing, so he shrugged again and led the way.
Past the big shed approaching the house Emma asked him if Sarah could stay the night, with them, and without thinking he said it was OK with him what she did.
But then Emma asked, “Do you like her?”
“Yeah, sure, she’s nice,” he went on, oblivious.
“She likes you.”
“Does she? She likes you, too. She’s nice. I already said that.”
“Nicolas! Don’t say that.”
“What? What did I say?”
Emma turned to Sarah. “See what I mean? He’s hopeless.”
Sarah giggled and pushed her way right in between Nicolas and Emma. She took his arm to hold him close, leaning in to kiss his cheek, and then suddenly licked his ear.
“Hey, stop that!” he said.
“Why? You said you like me.”
“What? Not like that, I didn’t mean like that. I’m with Emma.”
“But she can’t, not tonight.”
“Can’t what? What are you talking about?”
“Shit you’re dumb. Em, you’re right, he’s real dumb.”
“Wrong time of the month, silly,” Emma said.
Nicolas just looked at her before turning and walking off, back to the house. Inside he went straight to their room and plonked himself on his bed. He picked up a book and was leafing through the pages when they came in, watching him closely, and when they sat on Emma’s bed he threw the book down and removing his shoes and socks took a towel and went off to the bathroom hoping for a bath and a bit of privacy. That was a mistake.
They waited until he’d run the bath and was in the tub before following him in and calmly undressing got in with him, Sarah at one end and Emma in behind him pushing him toward her, so he promptly took the wash cloth down and covered himself.
“The real trouble, Nicolas,” she said, quietly, “is you’re not just beautiful. It’s not just your body. You really are such a nice boy. You’re so decent, and you’re so thoughtful. You don’t even think about yourself much, and I can’t do a thing about it. It’s hopeless, really.”
“What? Not hopeless. It’s my body, isn’t it? I can be the sort of person I want to be, can’t I? Without being molested?”
“Oh, you’re being molested are you?”
“Yes, I am. Leave me alone.”
“What if we did? What would you be doing? What would you be thinking about?”
He stopped and half turned to look at her. “I wouldn’t be thinking about anything much. I wasn’t thinking about anything, just being happy. I was just happy, that’s all.”
“Sarah can make you happy.”
“I’m already happy, or was. Shit!”
Emma sighed, leaning against him, and after a moment turned her back to him and said, “All right, you can scrub my back for me then. Sarah can scrub your back while you’re doing me, and when we’ve finished we’ll turn around and you can scrub hers for her. Will that be all right?”
Then he sighed in turn, “Yes, all right then.”
He took the cloth from his lap and started washing Emma’s neck and shoulders with it, but as he did so Sarah came in close and instead of washing his back started to caress him with her fingertips. Nicolas froze as Emma giggled and leaning back slowly pushed him into Sarah until he could feel her nipples against his shoulder blades. Her hand came around his chest as she reached down to hold him, slowly and gently like Emma had that first time in the grass, and he stirred and closed his eyes. She licked his ear again.
An hour or so later they heard the back door slam and somebody in the kitchen, and Emma jumped up all wet to snib the catch on the bathroom door. The back door slammed again and there was quiet, so she stood with the door slightly ajar to listen before picking up her clothes and disappearing down the passage to their room. Just as quickly she came back and beckoned them to follow. Nicolas pushed Sarah out before turning to empty the bath, and wrapping a towel around himself picked up their things and with a last look to see he hadn’t forgotten anything made his own way down the passage.
In their room he dried her with the towel them himself, but then pulling on his pyjamas pushed her across to Emma’s bed and lay down on his own watching them both.
“It was all right, Nicolas, wasn’t it?” Emma asked quietly.
“Hhmmm, yes,” he almost whispered. “Too good,” then louder, “it was too good, Em. I don’t know what to do now.”
“Why don’t you just love both of us?”
“What? Both of you? Two girlfriends? Me? No. Sarah has to go home.”
“No, Marcus and Karl are coming to live here, with us. They’re going to live in the old house, fix it up, didn’t you know?”
He stared at them. “Is that what this is about?”
“What? No. That’s got nothing to do with it. Sarah really loves you; we didn’t trick you, not about that.”
“Well, why me? There are plenty of boys out there; plenty of fish in the sea. That’s what they say, isn’t it?”
“No there’s not. Not like you. They’re ignorant, and they’re rough. Girls don’t like boys like that. We don’t, anyway, but we already talked about that.”
Nicolas looked away, gazing into the distance before saying quietly, almost to himself again, “What are you going to line girlfriends up for me, are you, because they can’t find a nice enough boyfriend? How am I supposed to feel about that?”
“No, not too many, just us to start with,” Sarah broke in. “You still like me, don’t you?”
He looked down, then back up at her.
“You came between me and Emma, when I didn’t expect it, when I was happy with the way things were, but now I don’t know.”
He glanced at Emma, and back again, “I really don’t want to lose her because she’s a lot more than a girlfriend to me. She’s like a sister as well, no, more than a sister, like family I mean; she’s my best friend. If she hadn’t pushed me into this I wouldn’t have even thought of looking at you, like that I mean. You’ve got me all mixed up.”
Emma watched him closely. After a moment she came over to his bed and lying down beside him took his head in her hands.
“But we’re different; Sarah and me, and you’re bigger than other people. You’re way too bright. You’re too much for one person. You’re too much for me by myself. But if we do it together, she can do things for you that I can’t, and I can do things for you that she can’t. I mean, I don’t see my Dad very much but she doesn’t see her Mum. She knows about men like I don’t. So it’ll work. We thought about it a lot, and I really wanted to tell you first but, um, Nicolas, it was a sort of embarrassing thing to talk about and I really didn’t know what you’d say. The best thing to do was the way it happened, all right.”
He thought about that a moment and glancing across to Sarah on the other bed nodded quietly. He pushed Emma slightly aside, and patting the bed next to him made room for her, but as she got up he said turn the light out first.
Before they went to sleep he murmured, “All right, but you’ve got to let me have a bit of time to myself. I need to go for my walks else I go crazy. You have to agree. Sometimes I’m not so nice, what they did to me, and I get angry and I don’t like it so I have to get away from people and be by myself. I never told anybody, even Emma, ‘til now, but lucky I didn’t shoot that bloody headmaster. Lucky I didn’t kill someone. I felt like it often enough. You’re never to say anything to anyone about that, promise, not anybody, ever. Better for people to think I’m a bit cuckoo.”
They didn’t say anything, just moved softly against him; one on either side, except before he dozed off Sarah whispered, “We’ll come with you.”
